Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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