Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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