Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
