Well apparently he's into motor boating.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
