eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
two words...techno handjob
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
