thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
