i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize