honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
