I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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