Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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