I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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