I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
