hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
