I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
