he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
