I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
