I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
