I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
