ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
