why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
