two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
