I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
