Plan B is the new Plan A
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
