so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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