You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
