that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
