I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
