So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
