thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
