last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
