I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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