Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
