WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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