i think i have two assholes
is wine microwaveable?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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