i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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