no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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