the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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