Jerry, you need to find god
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
