so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
