he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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