Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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