That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
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He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
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I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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