Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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