Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
