Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
