Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
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Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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