Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
one might say we're banned from that church
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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