you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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