It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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