you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
