I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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