things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
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She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
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If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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