my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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