My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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