Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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