I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
