Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize