Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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