it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
