one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
