Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
