bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
