i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
