I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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