He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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