i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
