Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
