No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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