I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
is it fun? or sober?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
