I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you will always have a special place in my vag
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
