he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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