My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
All the doctor said was why
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
