Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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