She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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