He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
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I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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