We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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