I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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