WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
