Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
tequila makes me forget i have legs
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
