Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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