dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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